I don’t know why I hate it so much. It’s like a huge feeling of dread comes over me and I physically can’t make myself do it.One of the things I prided myself on when I was younger was a very strong sense of self-discipline. I could do anything, no matter how loathsome, and see it through to its end. Now I just give up and I don’t care at the time that I’ve not done what I was supposed to do.
Later I tell myself how lazy I am and what’s the matter with me and all that kind of thing. But at the time, I rationalize to the point that I don’t do whatever I’m supposed to be doing.Another thing I prided myself on was my hair. It was thick and was a beautiful color of grey mixed with dark brown. I guess I needed to be knocked down a peg or two because my hair is so thin now and I can’t do anything with it. I fret over it a great deal.
Maybe God wanted to show me that I should depend on Him and not on my own efforts. Maybe housework and hair are important in the world’s eyes, but God’s eyes are different.I’ve been trying to let it go and do better at the same time. It’s kind of a thin line. I need to have self-discipline to some degree or nothing will get done because basically I’m an extraordinarily lazy person. But where does my own self-discipline end and letting God work through me start?
And the same with my hair. Where does my effort at styling and feeling good about it stop and God’s intervention begin?It’s a thin line and one I overstepped for many years, now that I look back at it.
When I think, “I must take the trash out,” “I must unload the dishwasher,” and then I think of all the reasons not to, I need to realize what I’m doing and how I’m thinking, ask God for His holy perseverance, and then do what He empowers me to do.Housework and hair don’t seem very important when there are so many very serious problems in the world. But God is a personal type, and He sent Jesus to save us individually. The indwelling Holy Spirit is also sent to each one of us. So housework and hair are important to God because if I’m fretting over these things, I’m not looking to God for my strength and I’m not partaking of His peace.
I’ve got to do better…
Our foolish pride comes from this world, and so do our selfish desires and our desire to have everything we see. None of this comes from the Father.
1 John 2:16 (CEV)